Dreams

 Ever since I had any recollection of being alive, I dreamed a world bigger than the one I live in. 

I dreamed up the stars I reached for and counted the miles that separated our touch.

I thought of all the different ways that I could make it around the world and back and made a list of all the souvenirs I would bring back for my parents and brother. 

I counted down every second I had lived so far and estimated how many I had left so I could plan out which dream was up for grabs first. 

Ever since I was a child, I dreamed too big. I aspired to live a life bigger than life itself. It was the reason for my existence and the fuel that motivated me to wake up every morning and do math homework. I hate math so much, but if finding the square root of x over y meant I would be able to one day see my name on a star, then it was worth the headache. 

I was 10 years old when I first came in contact with the world of theatre. The play was peter pan, and I wanted to be Wendy. I wanted it so badly that it was all I dreamed about for the month leading up to the auditions. Now let me tell you, I played the hell out of that Wendy character. I put my heart and soul into that audition that I had a British accent for two weeks and I didn´t know how to get rid of it.

I got the part. The feeling of being able to obtain my dream was by far the best feeling in the world. The world was in my hands and I felt so big that I couldn't fit in that classroom. But a month later I caught strep throat and mono and the role went to the understudy. The world shattered and I felt it fall through the cracks in my fingers as I struggled to hold on to it. But then I was a part of the production and I fell in love. I was so much more in love with painting trees than I was with Wendy. 

I was 10 years old when I experienced success, failure, and true love. All in the time span of 6 weeks. I spent all my free time putting that scenery together, and practicing costume and scene changes that when I finally saw the end product; I felt like I had created a universe of my own that I was able to share with the people I loved. 

I was 10 years old when I realized the true meaning of my dreams and the magnitude of my desires and ambition. 

I was 10 years old when I realized that the world was up for grabs and I was determined to grab as much of it as my hands could hold.